Evolution of a Mom

When I first became a mom, I felt very self-conscious when I was talking to Colin. Even in our own home, I couldn’t get over the feeling that I was talking to myself and someone was going to jump out of the corner and point and laugh at my attempts to talk to my baby. And out in stores? Fahgetaboutit. If I had something to tell Colin, I whispered it to him.

But over time, I seem to have lost my sense of doofiness (along with so many other things that fall under the Pride category) when talking to Colin in public. It helped when he stopped staring at me with those big ol eyes that said, “Mama, you’re a crazy lady talking to me when I can’t talk back. People think you’re talking to yourself” even though I knew that he was reacting and enjoying my prattle. Captive audience? No way, he was ENJOYING it. And once he started interacting with sounds, and now full on sentences, I feel like I have a buddy along with me.

This occured to me recently when I took Colin with me grocery shopping. I kept up a conversation with him the whole time – at normal voice volume, and didn’t even give a second thought at the people who were in the aisles with us. Well, until Colin started screaming just to see me react. that little turd.

It seems to have taken its sweet time, but I finally feel more confidente in my Mom role. I like being a mom. I like having mom things to do like playgroup, and trips to the zoo and watching cartoons in our jam jams, and our Toddler and Me exercise class (oh just a fair warning, I can sense the presence of soccer mom syndrome as I cheer on Colin’s attempts to gallop faster than that mop-headed boy) and having an excuse to work at home part of the week.

I tend to write more about the inane struggles, because frankly, if I can’t find humor in it, I’m going to end up huddled in a corner popping Prozac and rocking myself into my special place. But I love him! I really do love him! Yes, despite all the trauma of work mornings and battles of control, I am in fact head over heels for my stubborn, funny, kind, blockheaded, huggy little boy of a baby.