What makes you happy?

This kid makes me happy!

I probably sound dippy when I talk about my meditation. But here’s the thing. I love it. I don’t really care that it makes me sound dippy. And that's huge for me!

I care too much about who is watching, or what “they” will think or say. I often dwell on what is wrong, or what went wrong, or what might go wrong. Even in the midst of awesome, I temper my joy as if I don’t deserve it. Maybe I’m just afraid to lose it. Since my life has been relatively (blessedly) free of things going capital W wrong, why do I search for wrong? I’ve been working on this in my meditation to discover if the source.

I’m using stillness and Connection to burn off the neurosis and be more authentically “me” in the world. Ironically the hard part isn’t looking at the faults (I’m the weirdo who likes to rub a bruise just to feel the soreness). No, for me, the challenge is recognizing the beautiful parts of myself that have always been there. The parts that can be in the midst of awesome and laugh like a loon without caring who is watching. 

I have had a down week this week. Lots in my noggin swirling around. Inspired by my friend Nora’s blog, I spent my pillow time last night thinking about what makes me happy and remembering  moments from my life experienced by the authentic part of me. It was amazing how quickly I felt better, more like me. Like my innards were being scrubbed by a brush to make more room for joy.

Here are things that make me happy (no order)
• Starting a new book
• Baking/cooking from scratch
• Getting my hands dirty in my garden
• morning snuggles with Colin
• Using food I’ve grown in a meal
• Meditating
• Easy conversations with Rob about not much at all
• Traveling
• The slight ache on the day after a good walk/workout
• Feeling excited about work



Here are random moments that have supported the authentic part of my self (no order)
• Going to Italy with Rob
• Interning at the White House
• Leaving home for college
• Growing wheat in the backyard
• Complete surprise at being proposed to on a plane
• Playing CB radio in the Buick with my family
• Feeling proud of my first big pay raise
• Hearing Colin’s belly laugh for the first time
• Holding my mom’s hand as she passed
• Going on a roller coaster and being scared silly

These two make me happy!