Intro to the Playgroup

I speak often, and fondly, of our playgroup, and words that commonly come up in describing it are sanity, support and social time.

After Colin was born, I saw the world and my new role in it through a pair of Baby Blues-colored glasses. I remember crying a lot…over nothing and everything. I wasn’t able to drive for about two weeks, so I also was into a pretty deep case of cabin fever, when the thought of going out was more scary than being stuck inside.

A coworker of Rob’s suggested that I go to a new mom’s support group that the hospital sponsors. It sounded just grand, but the effort of pulling myself and Colin together enough to go was another story.
Rob helped matters by pretty much pushing us out the door, asking me to “just try it.”

I did, and it was a disaster. There were about ten women and babies there, most of whom were around the 4 to 6 month range. They were dealing with very different issues than I and I didn’t really think this was going to be my thing. They looked at me with what looked like pity and incomprehension as I shared my woes during “check in time,” as if the first month of motherhood was a dim and distant memory compared to their reaching, sitting and *gasp* smiling babies.

I gave it one more shot, going to the group that met on Thursdays. The facilitator was different, and there seemed to be a lot more babies and Mom’s my age. Although Mary was a bit too much into cosleeping and breastfeeding at all costs for my taste, I found myself perfectly happy to be one of the women in the circle sharing nods, sympathetic smiles, and advice with one another.

One of the benefits of this group is that Mary puts moms into smaller playgroups, and leaves it up to them to make what they will of the group.

Luck stepped in and I ended up with a great group of women and babies. Over the months we went through the typical stages of group dynamics (forming, storming, norming and performing for those interested) and the moms that didn’t quite jive drifted off. A few new additions joined in and our group pretty much stabilized into what it is today.

There are six of us with boys that were born within a two month range. Caroline and Ronan, Lori and Carter, Jessica and Alex, Jennifer and Kaden, Shelley and Tyler, and Me and Colin.

I think a few keys to our successful group is that we all have fairly similar life and parenting styles. And rather than playing the one-up game that seems to be endemic among the playground set, we celebrate the boys milestones and achievements, and lend support if there is a concern. A commonly heard phrase is “me too…” That phrase, and the realization that “I’m not the only one” is a soothing balm to a first time mom.

We take a girls night out once a month, and leave the dads to tend to the boys while we gab and drink wine without the powerful jet stream that toddler boys can generate.

I am grateful and fortunate to have built this extended family.

Call me mama-san

Most people know that I’m a sushi nut. I love me some sushi! I’ve started venturing into the art of making sushi, and have had some tasty, if not yet artistic, success. I made sushi rolls last night, this time with raw fish. We are lucky to live near a fantastic Japanese grocery store that sells fish so fresh they are still swimming (literally – there’s like a huge aquarium in the store). I picked up a little tuna and salmon sashimi and prepared to experiment.

Rob and I ended up enjoying variations on Tuna and Salmon rolls, while Colin ate up his whole Hillshire Roll - a little creation I came up with since I didn’t think he would or should eat raw fish yet. I just chopped up some extra Hillshire sausage I had, and rolled it up in rice and nori. Sliced thin and voila. I honestly didn’t expect him to eat it, but he gobbled it right up.

He also is getting the hang of edamame and can peel it open pretty well now. I love that Colin is an adventurous eater so far. We like to eat a lot of different ethnic foods and want Colin to be able to join us for culinary adventures.

The other week he stuck his inquisitive paw into some salsa and boy did he feel the heat! I thought he would stay away from it after that, but he reached out for some more…hopefully he's inherited my cast iron stomach!

Interesting

My trip to Rhode Island was interesting. Not in the mind-expanding sense of the word. More in the hmmm... form. Here are a few of the more interesting moments.

Interesting…
Who knew that Tommy Chong lived in Portland? My shuttle driver must have been harvested off the same green, stinky plant as good ol cheech and chong. Right down to the stoner tone and pitch of voice. A sample of our conversation:

T Chong: So what kind of work do you do?
Me: I work for a trade association, helping promote credit unions in the state.
T Chong: Huh. Trade…like bartering and stuff?
Me: Ah…no.
T Chong: Yeah…(trailing off into awkward silence)

Interesting…
Crying kids on planes don’t bother me anymore. Sure it’s annoying, but I can much more identify with the mom trying to do anything and everything to get the child to calm down than the curmudgeon couple who clearly have no recollection of traveling with children, especially on red-eye flights.

Interesting…
If you stick your knee up against the seat in front of you, you can thwart the attempts of the person to gain the 2.4 degrees of incline that our comfy coach seats offer. That is, until he grabs hold of the top of the seat and whams the seat back. That’s not so good on the knees. I made him regret it though.

Interesting…
A Jimmy Buffet cover band a good dinner cruise does not make.

Interesting…
Sitting behind a group of my female peers, who were loudly and proudly proclaiming the fears and reasons they weren’t going to have kids, and realizing that every reason given was one that I had expressed not more than three years ago, and that have all been disproved in less than two.

Interesting…
Rhode Island airport has the. Slowest. Airport. Security. Line. Ever. I was wondering if they were doing full cavity searches up there.

Interesting…

The knowledge of the five extra inches of leg room that was waiting for me in my exit row seat gave me the patience to endure a three hour flight delay, plus one more hour that ticked by as we were seated on the plane, trapped by a thunder/lightening storm that was going to “pass any minute.”

Interesting…(truly)

I was lucky to witness a lightning storm raging away at 36,000 feet into the cloudy night sky just outside my plane window. The clouds were white and fluffy enough to rival any cotton candy. The lightening was relentless and I kept expecting shock waves of thunder to hit the plane. What made it even cooler was the clear starry sky sitting just above the storm. Momma Nature is wonderful

Interesting…

Jet lag must be named because you feel like you’ve left the functioning portion of your brain behind in another time zone, hoping it shows up before you actually have to do something productive.

Interesting…

Soss was more excited to see me than my son. It will break my heart when I have to hear him say, “mommy, don’t go” or “Mommy, I miss you!” but a little extra hug wouldn’t be taken as chopped liver.

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Not that I'm expecting or asking for comments, but I just realized they were disabled. I think I fixed it.

Chicken Thief!

The conference was just fine. Met up with several nice women including a gal who reminded me a lot of one of my college roommates. So I wasn't total loser conference girl.

During the first (very long) day, we had a luncheon. There is apparently a tradition that at each conference, they present the participants with an animal that represents the host state. Since we were in Rhode Island, they found appropriately enough a Rhode Island Red hen. Nearly every seat had one. The coordinator underestimated the vast purchasing power of Rhode Island Red hen aficionados and they were back ordered for the remainder of the attendees.

Score! (said my brain) Don't need to shop for a souvenir for the bop. I made sure to sit at a place with hen already nesting. I chatted my way through a lackluster lunch with a lady who subsequently learned that I had a little guy at home, and blah blah this, and blah blah that. As lunch was over and we were gathering up our things, she reached out and snatched my chicken! No asking, no queries if I wanted it for my son - she didn't have kids! The bitch up and stole my chicken and took off like there was no tomorrow.

I was a bit flabbergasted, to say the freakin least. I wasn't going to raise a ruckus over a stuffed toy that I knew I could request later. But jea-zeus. I stuffed down a perfectly rational desire to tattle and simply told the coordinator to add me to the list of unlucky souls who had to wait for the damn hens to hatch from china and she handed me one more that she had on hand.

Seriously though. Stealing a chicken? From my poor little man waiting at home with hope and love that mommy's going to bring home something other than a hastily purchased airport t-shirt and the extra bag of peanuts from the flight?

Grow up chicken thief!

Providence Bound

I'm getting ready to fly the coop for a few days. Heading to Rhode Island for a work conference. Normally, I'm all kinds of ready to travel. But this trip isn't really one that I'm looking forward to. Oh, I know I will love being able to race through the airport solo, take taxis, stay in a nice hotel, have my meals brought to me...but I will also be thrown into a group of 30 people that I don't know, and the thought makes me cringe.

I'm not the most graceful of wallflowers. I feel big and tall and loomy. I get too shy to introduce myself, and in my head I feel like people already know each other and resent my timid efforts on joining their conversation. I have no idea where this shyness comes from (or why in the world I chose the very social Public Relations career path). My family as a rule are gregarious and outgoing. I'm that person at the party that hides at the food table until I can kick back a few glasses of liquid courage. I'm able to hold my own once I know the landscape but those first steps...*shudder*

At this point in time, Colin is just about the exact opposite of me and Rob in terms of approaching new people. The kid will walk up to complete strangers and give them hugs, making their day in the process and making me say "ehhhh!" A little stranger danger would not come amiss at times.

I do think, though, that having a kid is like an instant talking point in new social situations. I was able to connect with my most awesome playgroup when Rob pretty much pushed me out the door to join the new mom's group the our hospital sponsored. And at work and social functions, like the one I will soon be engulfed in, it's a fallback point when the conversation lags.

Another reason for not wanting to go is that Rob, Colin and I have had a lot of fun this last week. Cheerful, lovey, lots of laughing and giving of hugs. I'll miss my boys.

Toddlers through time

I wonder if a toddler has always been a toddler. What I mean is, how did parents across time deal with this fascinating phase that, from a parent’s perspective (and likely the kid’s too), alternates widely between awe and anxiety?

Did pioneer toddlers insist on helping with the churning, knocking over the churn and spilling the hard-won milk in the process?

Did mediaeval toddler parents whip out the sketch book to capture kiddo walking around in dad’s good suit of armor shoes? How did renaissance mom encourage her child to draw, but not to eat the conté crayon or scribble on the palazzo walls?

How did emigrant mom navigate the street market with curious kids in tow, pulling the live chickens off their shelves, while trying bargain in an as of yet unlearned new language, while simultaneously keeping the kiddies out of the way of horses, screaming fishwives and buckets of slop thrown from windows?

When dad brought home that latest fan-tab must-have toy, ye olde fishin stick, did the tot toss it aside in favor of the box it came in?

Was potty-training easier when all they had to go in was a pot? And just how do you baby-proof a castle?

Deep thoughts for sure. Yesterday Colin and I had a grand old time in the yard with an old garden hose, one of us on either end, whipping it back and forth to make s-waves. Made the bop giggle like a loony bird.

Sun River Roundup

My whole family (that would be Dad, Mom, Rusty, Denise, Liz, Sarah, Angela, Tony K, Jonah, Abby, Nate, Leah, Luke, Tony L, Traci, Anthony, Dom, Rocco, Me, Rob & Colin) traveled north from the compound to Sunriver, Oregon for a long weekend of Lucchesi family bonding. Here’s a little run-down on the trip. Which, in sum total, was a great mini-vacation considering we had 21 loud adults and kids in one large house.

On the Road
Colin and I headed out at an early hour while big poppa got the motorcycle ready for the ride. I was fine with Rob taking the bike. Boy needs to ride. But I was just a wee bit nervous about three hours alone in the car with a newly short-tempered toddler. I put together a bag of tricks for the ride, hoping to anticipate what Colin would want when the car-boredom set in. I got the DVD player charged up (so I thought) and ready for the last leg, knowing that I would want to save the Baby Einstein crack for the end.

We made it in good time, no stops, only a few meltdowns, and lots of food passing between the cockpit and the passenger. We cruised to my book on tape and Colin chilled with the many toys I had on hand. When I did try to get the DVD going, busted! No charge. Whoops. Luckily Colin didn’t see me messing with it or we would have had a class-5 meltdown.

Upon arrival, Colin distributed big hugs to one and all, which always makes me glad. I worry sometimes that he will forget his aunts, uncs and various cousins in between our visits (hence the frequent flier miles we wrack up between PDX and SMF).

A good Mama
Traci and I took off to get pedicures while mom got a lovely facial. I don’t get to spend a lot of time with Traci, so it was fun to chat without the chaos of the family around us. Tony and Traci have three 110% Boy boys. She has much joy in her kids. She manages to be a pal and an authority at the same time. I kind of envy that. I’m usually desperately trying to find time to be alone, while Traci tries to find more ways to spend fun family time. There are some good lessons there for me for sure…maybe after Colin gets out of this terrible almost-two phase.

Stair climbing arn’t fer dummies
The house we were in was two stories, and for some reason I wasn’t terribly concerned for Colin’s safety aside from a few brief, horrific moments of imagining my little bean bouncing down the stairs. The first day Colin was able to walk up, and scootch down on his bottom. The second day, he was walking up, and walking down, holding onto the railing. What a smartie.

Table for 21 Please.
We each took turns cooking dinner and we were up for Thursday. Knowing that various chunks of tasty red meat would be served on the other nights, I opted for a few different salads. Rob eyed my choice dubiously, and dared me to through in some tofu. I didn’t take up the challenge, but I held my ground on the salads. And I was right (neener neener). I think everyone enjoyed the options (tomato bread salad with chicken and mozzarella, and couscous salad with shrimp and green beans), at least they said so. Cooking for 21 is a bit daunting. I made too much, but it was all ready at the same time.

Fantastic (pony) Ride
The rule on this trip was that not everyone had to do everything together. But we did try to coordinate some fun. On Friday we opted to take the little kids on pony rides. I loved seeing Colin with a big ol brain bucket on, holding confidently onto the pony’s saddle horn. He was pretty serious during the ride, (I know because I had to walk next to him for two laps of some sort of pony labyrinth) but he did spontaneously reach out to pat the pony and wave to the crowd. We also scored a handful of half-hour rides for the bigger kids and a few adults for the next day. I volunteered to go with Denise, Liz and Abby for a little girl’s trot.

That night, mom arranged for us all to go on a wagon ride. We had assumed that it would be a horse-drawn ride, but alas, hokey tractor ride instead. However, I do think that it would have taken about six-horsepower to haul our non-petit load-o-family, so the tractor seemed okay to me. While we were waiting, the kids enjoyed watching a big huge horse that kind of looked like a Clydesdale take a humongous pee. I wondered why they had such a big, huge horse there. Surely they didn’t let people ride him? Anyway, we took our wagon ride and had fun. Saw some deer, some birds, lots of trees…you know, nature crap.

Big Willy
As we showed up for our ride the next day, we learned that the big, huge horse is named Willy. We learned this because as they matched up riders and horses, and it came to my turn, they led out the big, huge horse. They assured me that Willy was like a big pony. A big teddy bear. A gentle giant. See the theme? BIG. As in Big. Ass. Horse. Poor Willy is probably reserved for riders like me who aren’t on the lightest side of the scale. Turns out Willy was indeed a good ol pally. Just poked along in line. Fat chance of me telling him what to do though. I was glad of my dorky helmet when Willy decided to plow right through branches aimed right at my head. When we got back to the stable, the other horses were put back into the corral, but Willy was placed where we saw him the night before, in a different area by himself. Angela offered the theory that maybe Willy was so gentle that the other horses picked on him. Poor Willy. Made me kind of sad thinking he had to be alone because he was too nice. Either he’s too nice or he liked to squash the other horses…

My poor nethers
Upon our return from the horse ride, several of the gang was gearing up for a bike ride. Rob nagged requested that I join in, regardless of the fact that I just got off big Willy (heh heh). The crew decided to take a quick ride down the gentle “river loop.” And since we don’t have bikes at home, my booty was a bit tender even with the extra cush mommy seat on my bike. I figured out a way to perch my behind on the seat that took the pressure off whatever was hurting and we cruised along. Amazing the muscles you forget you have when they aren’t in regular use! I enjoyed the riding, but more because it was fairly level ground with only a few swells. Not sure if we would purchase bikes for home, but Sunriver sells their rental bikes each season for a smokin’ deal. Maybe…

Nap enforcer
As much as I was trying to go with the flow on sleep schedules, Colin really needed a true nap. Not a snoozer in the car or stroller, but a horizontal SLEEP of at least an hour. So we tried to convince him to lay down. Hah. The kid is bull-headed about some things (have NO idea where he gets that from). But we moved into creative mode to get the job done. Left the light on, gave him a book, and I tickled his face into slumberland. It was kind of fun to know that I can still do that. Colin took an awesome nap, and had a great evening because of it. We were taking family pics that night, so he stayed up until about 8:30. Went to bed without a struggle. Ahh.

On the road redux
On Sunday it was time to pack up and hit the road again. I had a great time, and I know that Colin and Rob did as well. It’s nice to be able to hang out with my family without the high-strung energy that comes with holiday gatherings. The ride home didn’t start off great. Colin wasn’t ready to say goodbye to the cousins and I think he was remembering the long ride in. So after an hour of whining, regardless of the by-now tired bag of tricks, he conked out. I had been planning to stop for lunch, but kept the pedal down to take advantage of my passenger’s unconscious state. When Colin did wake up I was prepared with an actually-charged DVD player. And that kept the peace until we rolled into Bonanza.

So that’s our trip in a big ol nutshell. Considering we spent a little time talking about where to take the next trip, I think we can count the gathering a success. Fun times, fun times.

Thanks mom and dad for the memory making.

Every day is new

I'm trying to remember that every day is a fresh opportunity. Every morning I creep down the hallway to where the slumbering warmth of my baby boy awaits and wonder, full of hope...what will today bring? As soon as I open the door, up pops bop with a big smile and a sleepily wonderful, "mamadada!?" then, as he sees who it is, clarifies with "mama!" I adore these first bright open smiles of the day. When it's just us two, with the whole day ahead of us, before any terribles or battles of will rear their ever-lurking heads.

Colin is fifty-fifty a sunshiney morning boy. After the initial wake-up joy, some days he's chirpy and happy and full of hugs. And other days...not so much. I love the mornings when he gets up easily, submits quietly for a fresh diaper and clothes, and is off and running with a little glow of luv surrounding him. The days when he's crying before he leaves the crib are a little harder to get off on the right foot. I have to be patient about easing him through the morning chores of diaper and clothing. This morning he didn't want to get out of the crib, but clearly didn't want to stay in it either. Where did I put that instruction manual?

After a tearful morning prep I dropped Colin off at Donna's. I try not to be jealous of the fact that she always gets a happy smile and hug, no matter how our morning goes. Days like this leave my heart a little lower than on the happy mornings. I can't help thinking that I'm doing something wrong, that I'm always reacting the wrong way. What the right way is, I have no clue.

I guess my solace is that regardless of how the day goes, every morning I still creep down the hall...

Weekend scmeekend

[WARNING: pity party ahead] This was a long weekend. In some ways good long, and in some ways, whylordwhy long. For starters, Colin slept like crap on Friday night. Now, usually the bum is an awesome sleeper. Conks out and stays out for 12+ hours. So when Colin does have an off night, it makes it all the more a bigger kick in the ass since he's trained us to expect a good night's sleep.

Every half hour we get the siren song, and we take turns to go in and comfort him and perform parental voodoo to get him to go back to sleep. In between protestations of who's turn it is to get up we conspiratorially whisper to each other, "spicy food tummy?" "Motrin?" "teeth?" "would a sleeping pill hurt him?" After that lovely night, Colin was up bright and early at 6am.

Then we had a bright spot. For a little fun, we took the MAX to the zoo and beat the crowd by arriving shortly after the grounds opened. It was nice not having to employ evasive steering tactics to avoid the oblivious families who take their half out of the middle of the broad walkways. And we were able to get up close to all the animal exhibits, including a giraffe enjoying his breakfast about 20 feet off the ground. We took a little stroll through the Winged Wonders butterfly exhibit, which we enjoyed but didn't impress Colin much. I think next year the zoo is going to be a much better outing for him. He doesn't seem to really "see" the animals, other than birds. But we'll keep trying, and he likes to people watch, so it's all good, all good. Anyway, we also took a train ride around Washington Park, which was fun for all.

We got home in time for lunch and nap. We'll, lunch went okay, but the nap? Colin turned to me and said, "P'shaw. I don't need no stinkin' nap!" Well, not really. But that was the feeling expressed at any rate. Maybe you don't need a nap kid, but momma needs you to have one! Colin took a paltry half-hour snooze and was crabtastically ready to be whiney for the rest of the day. At every outburst of the terribles Rob and I looked at each other and our offspring wondering what happened to our happy go lucky boy? Luckily, we had a night out planned and the sitter would be over at 6pm. We usually miss the bedtime routine when we go out, and feel a little bad leaving him. Not tonight, we stopped just short of pushing each other over to get out the door. We had a fun evening at Piazza Italia with our good friends and made our way home wondering what the night would bring in the way of the screamin demon.

Not a peep. We even got to sleep in until 8!! But we were just being set up for another day of wah!EEE!NONONO!Wahh! Crappy nap, busted lip and many tears later, we set out as a family to join our playgroup for an early dinner at the Cornelius Pass Roadhouse. We had a good time visiting with the group, and it was nice to see the dads for a change. Six toddler boys in one room is a lot. We gave hearty tips to the waiter who had to clean up after us!

So the weekend ended on a high note, and I freely admit that I was happy to be off to work this morning.