How can I help you say goodbye?

When I decided to go to university in Washington, my parents didn’t try to talk me out of it. In my youthful eagerness to spread my wings, I felt that mom would take our parting a lot harder than I would (the violent waves of homesickness that hit me two weeks later told a different story). So, to provide a little comfort to her on the return trip to California, I did what any sensible teenager would do – I made her a mixed tape.


This was the first of many significant partings between me and mom. Helping me find a safe neighborhood to live in DC for a summer White House internship. Setting me up in my first apartment in Seattle. Accepting the fact that Rob and I would be staying in the northwest. Waving goodbye to her 10th grandchild after she helped us to get settled. Countless trips to the airport - not so significant but never routine.


But now, she is the one leaving. And I will be the one left behind. I try to follow her example, and not ask her to stay. The lung cancer that has been held back for three and half years will be held no more. Mother’s day took on a completely new significance this year. Today is the last Mother’s Day I will spend with my mom. I have no doubt that she will be with me on every Mother’s Day going forward, but at the moment, that thought offers little comfort. Today was beautiful, and bittersweet.


One of the songs on the tape I made for my mom was, “How Can I help You Say Goodbye.” I chose it 17 years ago because I was worried about making her sad for leaving her. I chose it today because I want to send her off with as much grace as she has always shown me.

“Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same

And she said, How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?”

Happy Mother’s Day mom. I will love you forever and back again.