Hi! We almost burnt down our house today! What’s new with you!?

(queue the Who) Whooooo are you. Who who. Who Who…

The scene: The team arrives on the scene and immediately note an odd, electrical scent perfuming the air. They let their noses do the walking and lo and behold, discover a crime scene in the master bathroom. Grissom notes wryly, “this was a hair-raising crime.” Cut to commercial.

In the courtroom… shit, that’s law and order. Oh well. Go with me here.

Sam Waterson reads off the evidence:

Exhibit A: Hair Dryer is in the Sink. Homeowner hangs her hair dryer (allegedly) on a hook on the wall.

Exhibit B: Hair Dryer is strangely black in some places. Said hair dryer can be most often sporting the color purple.

Exhibit C: Big ass burnt hole in hair dryer. Hair dryer most often does not contain big ass burnt holes.

Exhibit D: Black soot all over the bathroom and into the bedroom, black scorch mark on the wall. Homeowner does not typically sift black soot all over the bathroom and bedroom. Homeowner is actively discouraged by spouse not to create scorch marks on the walls.

Exhibit E: The hair dryer switch is stuck melted in the On position. Homeowner does not (allegedly) leave her hair dryer either E.1: On, nor E.2: In the sink.

Your honor, all pieces of evidence point to a certain short person who currently resides in said house and is known for stealthy missions of anarchy and mayhem. That's him, your honor (pointing to the culprit) Look how he is defiantly acting as if nothing happened!!

However, I do concede that the short person had an accomplice who left a key piece of evidence in reach. We conclude that the suspect, upon discovery of an opportunity to flip switches, flipped the switch, in all probability got scared at the resulting loud noise, and fled the scene without reversing the switch back to OFF. Exhibit Hair Dryer likely ran for hours in the sink until it said, “enough of this” and proceeded to explode, flame long enough to soot up the bathroom, melt the hairdryer, and fry the electrical socket.

By the grace of all that is good, it seems like no further damage was sustained by the home. Your honor, don’t let those big brown eyes and cheeky grin dissuade you from metting out the harshest punishment that fits the crime.

Considering the suspect probably has no clue what he did, we recommend the withholding of all graham crackers and dessert until further notice. As for the accomplice, get her some freakin Ginko Biloba or something to help her remember to put potentially dangerous items out of reach.

Cue credits. Go pour wine. Shake head at the sheer luck that the house is still standing.