Thunder Mountain and that big anniversary

When you spend a week meditating on a volcano – things are going to happen.

But let me back up a bit. I’ve been meditating for a few years now, but really engaged in my practice last April. The school I study with, Clairvision (www.clairvision.org) maintains that a spiritual practice is not just meditation. Meditation builds and expands the parts of you that can reach high states of spiritual connection. However, it is also important to break down the habits, conditioning and self-perceptions that keep you mired in neurotic goo. 

In early April, I spent my second intensive meditation retreat at Thunder Mountain, which is located on a volcano in the high desert of NE California. You know how some places in the world feel more intense than others? Volcanoes have intense energy people! People generally tell me the retreat sounds so relaxing. In many ways it is. You get fed three delicious vegetarian meals a day, have a comfy bed, warm showers and excellent people around you. On the other hand, its called an intensive for a reason! You’re doing practices for 12 hours a day, raising the voltage of your energetic body while immersed in exploring all your neurotic shit.

Sure, it’s hard to face and own all the good and bad parts of yourself. But in so many ways, it’s all kinds of awesome. This is the type of experience where you come home different than when you left. When you find the source of issues and explore them from a space of spiritual vision, they no longer have the same charge or hold on you. A meaningful outcome for me was a reconnection to a core part of myself that I’ve been out of touch with for a long time. Maybe my whole life. With this part now back in the mix so to speak, I can reach a new level of stillness during my meditation and engage a deeper confidence as I go through my day.

This Sunday will mark one year since my mom’s death. Mother’s Day. A fitting anniversary on which to honor all we had, all we lost, and all we have still. I’ve never subscribed to a religion, so I didn’t really have a way to access or express my own spiritual beliefs. I can say without doubt that the spiritual work I’ve been doing through my meditation has gotten me through this year along with the support of family and loved ones. I feel like I’ve reached a certain level of peace with this great loss. Make no mistake, I’ll miss her forever. But I’m grateful to have been given 35 years to be a  daughter and friend to that wonderful woman.