The universe works in mysterious ways. I’m pretty sure it is female what with all the crazy hormones and passive aggressive currents running rampant. I’ve been trying, at times desperately, to find a new job for the better part of two years. I have not been of The Happy for quite a quite a while at work. My timing, always impeccable, just so happened to coincide with one of the worst economies we’ve seen.
I’ve been close to the finish line several times, among the top two or three. Lots of build up, then the “thanks but no thanks,” enough for my self-esteem to take a little bruising. But I’ve also learned a lot about myself. That I know what I know. That I am confident in what I can produce. That I am ready to take on bigger challenges that make the lazy part of me say, “what the hell, Nell – what’s so wrong with coasting?”
I’ve been picking up some freelance work through friends, and it inspired me to explore the option of consulting as my primary gig. Now, I know that I may appear to be wild and crazy, flying by the seat of my pants with all the “oooh BBC book challenge!” and the “I think I shall grow peas” decisions that I make, but I have a hefty conservative streak that is constantly doing battle with the part of me that wants to hop on a plane for parts unknown. I enjoyed the exploration – I chose my company name, WordBridge. I built my website (check it! www.thewordbridge.com), and tried to define what it is I actually do and how I do it differently from the hundreds of other wordsmiths in the Greater Portland metro area.
And then I started hearing about a cool state project that I would get to work with my friend on, and decided to throw my hat into the ring for a year-long consulting gig for the state. And then the worry-wart part of me decided to be all, “WHAT the fuck do you think you’re doing - NOT LONG TERM!!” And the bored part of me said, “dude. Wicked exciting stuff.” Then an opening came up with a nonprofit that promotes literacy for disadvantaged kids in K-3, and the frugal part of me was like, “Steady. Paycheck.” And the book-worm part of me was all, “dude. Reading.” And then came a good month or so of internal arguments between which path would be the best, IF I ended up with two things to choose from. And when does that ever happen, anyway? Especially in this economy. Right?
It happens when you least freaking expect it.
I did indeed end up with two choices. Both very good. Both with distinct pros and cons. Both very different. I knew that no matter what I chose, I would feel like I was losing on the other end. Not a bad problem to have, I know.
With one path, I would take a road untraveled – independence. Being my own boss, being responsible for my own income, learning to ride the waves of feast and famine while making the mortgage payment. Have the potential to make a lot more money than I am currently. Have the potential to have a much emptier checking account than I have currently. Work with interesting people on fantastic projects. Take drudge jobs to make sure I was meeting my financial obligations to my household.
On the other path, I would essentially pick up my desk and move it. Do tasks that were largely similar, but for a mission-driven organization that supported a cause near and dear to my heart. Have a firm place “at the table” and help advance an organization into its next phase. Never have a rock star salary, but have a paycheck delivered twice a month for the forseeable future (and four weeks of vacation out of the gate? Nothing to sneeze at). Work with interesting people on fantastic projects. Work on drudge projects as part of the gig but knowing that I was meeting my financial obligations to my household.
Did I mention that neither path comes with any guarantees? That I need to learn not to treat every decision I make as the Last Decision I Will Ever Make? That I am the only one that can decide?
I chose the safer move (one might say the SMART move). I’ll be working for the non-profit, but keeping my company open, taking on side projects that will feed my creative fire and help me walk before I run If consulting is something I want to do after our kiddo is in school and our financial needs are a little lower. My inner dare-devil is hollering “LAME!” I’m sad that I don’t get to work with my friend every day. But I know that we will continue to work together. I’m excited to work for a mission-based organization and I hope that I can bring my talents to the table and raise their profile. I liked the people I met with and I'm hopeful that it will be a much better environment than I'm in now.
But more than anything, I’m grateful for all the support I have out there, at home, from above, and from myself for myself. It’s been a long time coming and I’m ready to rock.
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