I need to do a better job about remembering that Rob, above all, wants his family to be happy and safe. He has high expectations and a clear vision of what he wants, and I admit I’m not always very patient when I think he is overdoing the details. We recently finished having our fence rebuilt and it wasn’t a completely smooth process. I just feel bad when I know he’s frustrated but there really isn’t anything I can say to make it better. I often say that we’re reading the same book, we’re just not always on the same page at the same time. And that’s okay – as long as we can remember that we’re in it together.
I finally had a dream about Mom that I remember. I saw her more clearly than I have since she died. I don’t remember everything but it seemed that the theme for me was “whew, that was a close call. Glad that is over with and you’re still here with us.” From her end, I just remember feeling a huge wave of sadness, as if she knew what had happened but didn’t want to remind me.
It’s been three months. I honestly didn’t remember the 13th until my brother called and mentioned that a friend had reminded him. I think it’s good that it’s not a circled red date on the calendar, but on the other hand, I don’t ever want to feel like I’m forgetting. The missing has simmered down to a dull ache, so constant that I sometimes don’t realize it’s there. I’ve gone through several firsts since May. First star outing – My mom gave each grandchild an engraved silver star that they could bring out whenever they wanted Grandma to be there. We brought it with us to Colin’s little pre-school graduation. Exactly the kind of event that Mom loved to go to. First birthday – I sat in meditation at my birth time, opening a beautiful heart space with Mom’s spirit. First longer trip back – we had a great visit with my Dad. If there is any backhanded benefit to be found in this loss, it’s that I have the chance to build a closer relationship with my Top Pop. I enjoyed giving him an internet lesson. Proud of his first Google search! First vacation homecoming – On the plane home I found myself composing a conversation with Mom about the things we did in Hawaii, and some questions I wanted to ask her about our earlier family trips to the islands.
Our yard is coming together nicely. The plantings we’ve put in over the past few years are filling out nicely, and the winter deaths have been replaced with new candidates. Rob got me two garden boxes that are beautifully overplanted! I’ve had such poor crops the last few seasons that I’ve forgotten how much space some of these lovelies need. This year I used a greenhouse cover for the first month or so on my tomatoes and peppers to good results.
Colin starts Kindergarten in a few weeks. I’m so excited for him and so unbelievable annoyed at the logistics. We have morning kinder from 8 to 10:30. The school isn’t going to offer full-day kinder, even though we would be paying for the second half. And our preschool isn’t going to be able to transport him. So Plan A is for me to get him to and from school, and take him to preschool three days a week. He’ll be home with me two days. This will work if I can pick up a few more projects and continue working from home.
Summer is going by quickly. We haven’t done as much family adventure as I had hoped, but we’ve also been pretty busy. That weird summer vortex of too much and not enough time! I’ve been a bit muddled for the past few months, and I need to get some work soon. Not just for the piggy bank, but for my brain!
No comments:
Post a Comment